I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
