No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
