i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
