This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
