Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
