my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
