Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
