You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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