I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
