Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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