ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Randomize
