brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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