somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I'm having to shit out rocks
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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