I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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