I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
