all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
