dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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