Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
