they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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