I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
