Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
