I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
