Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
