It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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