every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
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he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
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The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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