Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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