You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
