i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
