There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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