I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
