These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
