As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
