i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
