im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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