Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
