he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
