i would punch a child for taco bell
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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