i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
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my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
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I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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