That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
