hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize