dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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