I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
