I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
