God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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