i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
