I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
