You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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