I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
