her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
