Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
