Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
