I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
