I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
