i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
