i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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