So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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