am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
