can we get nightvision for the apartment?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
