I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
