So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
