Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
