did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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