True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
