so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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