walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
