I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
