hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
