i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
