Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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