is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
All the doctor said was why
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
