hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
